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“GIVE YOURSELF TIME”

I have to admit and be honest with you.

I know, only a few people bother to read my blog when I write in English. Even though I talk about ideas, experience or knowledge, people will not be going to comment or share it. I am not going to lie here. I feel a bit frustrated. To get rid of the awful feeling, I’m going to talk about it and make peace with it.

I have been following one blogger. I love to read his posts. He said so many things that made me think so hard – how I should write to get people to read my blog.

First, I know because it’s not a common language. It is not Malay or Sarawak languages. But my pure intention is to improve my English writing skill. In order to do that, I need to write a lot in English. Read books in English. Watch English movies. Practice speaks in English.

To get people to read my blog, I need to find my target. The question is who bother to click and read my blog?

I know who I will paint for. Of course, for my fans. But before my fans, who the first person I paint for?

Yes, you’re right. I paint for myself. I paint to satisfy myself. I paint to make me feel good about myself. I’m gifted with this talent. Then, I paint for people who genuinely look forward to my painting works. The problem solved.

Next, for whom I should write? I write to help other people? I write to inspire people? I write to show them that I use English better than anyone? Everything I do, only for other people? Is that it’s all about? How about me?

I feel conflict. One author said I should write for myself. One author said I should write to meet reader’s need. One author said; find your target, just one single target 1st.

  • Can I just fake it?
  • Can I be the only one target?
  • Can I write only for myself?

I want to read something that will make me feel, ‘It is ok Nessa, no need to be perfect. Just keep doing whatever you want to do. You love art, let just talk about art. You love to sew cloth and then talk about it. You love to write, just write. Don’t care about perfection because it will not be perfect. You don’t know how to use sophisticated English term, use simple ones. Hey, this world does not populate by English people only. And not everyone is good at English!’

Honestly, I am scared. I am scared that my writing makes me like a fool. I have one tool – Grammarly; to help me to check on grammar & sentences. But it’s only limited access (because it is free) unless I change to the premium plan. Which means, I need to pay another $12 per month. Do I need to pay for everything in order to be good at writing? I know it’s a great tool. Guys, I barely start but I already spent so much!  I have a lot of bills to pay. Plus, I need to support my artwork. If I put more money on this, I am afraid debts will become my best friend. Am I being too hard on myself?

Maybe.

A piece of advice from Mr. Brain to Mrs. Heart.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Nessa. Hey, you said it earlier, you barely started.

Just paint your voice on the blank page. It may look cluttered now. Mistakes mean you’re trying. Bring forth what is within you, whether it was beautiful or ugly. Do it whether your writing is crap or gold. Whether people read it or not read it. Write your own story.

After all, you’re a chemist, before you become an artist or aspiring writer. A chemist must perform a series of experiments in the laboratory, try and errors, analyzing a lot of data before the successful result comes out. You should understand it by now.”

© 2019 Cha Niki